Tuesday, April 12, 2005

There's something wrong with the central heating at the house which means that the radiators downstairs need bleeding all the time. Whenever the central heating is doing its thing you can hear tiny bubbles of air whizzing around the pipes like microscopic formula one racing cars. It's not rocket science to dal with the racket; you just use a little bleed key to let the air out of the rads one by one. That is, except for one in the hall.

Normally the hall radiator doesn't need bleeding, and this is a bonus as unlike all the others in the house this one doesn't have a little keyhole it has a strange large nut and what looks like a hose connection. Sadly today (judging by the noise) it needed to have the air beaten out of it so I had to go and get a spanner so I could operate.

I carefully started to turn the nut and waited for the sound of air coming out. Nothing. I unscrewed it some more. Still Nothing. A few more turns and the nut came out altogether. Again, nothing.

It is at this moment I should have stopped what I was doing and turned both valves of the radiator off. Sadly, I didn't. Instead I touched what appeared to be a very small pin inside the hole and suddenly WHOOSH. The small pin shot across the room closely followed by gallon upon gallon of dirty water.

I quickly jammed my finger onto the bleed hole like some Dutch boy with his finger in a leaking damn. Water is everywhere. I tried to work out what I could do. If I moved gallons more water would come gushing out and I if I stayed put I'd be found by David several days later dead with my fingers still holding back the tide.

I looked around and found a dressing gown hanging over the banister and decided I might be able to use it to stiffle the torrants of water while I grabbed a bucket or bowl or whatever. I grabbed it and it becomes immediately obvious that it is one of the worst ideas I've ever had. Within .45 of a second the gown is soaked and water is again pouring onto the floor.

By now I'm really panicking. The house is flooding and there seems to be nothing I can do to stop it. I suddenly notice that there is a pack of three metal planters next to the front door which hadn't quite made it to the garden. I use a foot to drag them over and fight with the plastic packaging with my spare hand so I can separate them. I get one free and stick it in front of the bleed valve, then another and then another. By the time the last one is filling up I've managed to start screwing the bleed valve back into the hole and the water has easied to a trickle.

The tide may have stopped but i'm stood in a couple of inches of water with tubes full of dirty liquid. That's the last time I mess around with radiators. I'm calling some fit young plumber to have a look next time.

Posted by Antz at 9:49 PM | Permalink | | |

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