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It
seems almost
impossible
for me to think
back to a time
when it hadn't
occurred to
me that I was
a gay man,
but it was
only six or
seven years
ago when the
realisation
finally sunk
in and I was
able to accept
the truth.
Now
I look back
though my life
and can only
see obvious
evidence to
prove what
I now know,
but back then
everything
seemed so confusing
and unclear. Many
things happened
to make me
realise once
and for all
that I was
gay but I
guess in
the end it
all came
down to the
fact that
I gave up
hiding. This,
as they say,
is my story.
I first realised
that something
was different about me
when I was
about 12
years old.
I remember that for a while
I was obsessed with one
of the boys
who was performing
in a school play, I spent
hours watching him rehearse,
and while I knew this was
strange I was reassured
by the book
my parents
gave me (so
they didn’t
have to talk to me about
the arrival of puberty and
where babies came from) that
having crushes on boys wasn’t
that unusual and I would
simply grow out of it.
Towards the end of my school-life
I had a couple of girlfriends,
after all what else do
15 year olds do except
have girlfriends? The relationships
didn’t work out - mainly
because I couldn’t
understand why I was trying
to have them and the girls
couldn’t understand
why I didn’t want
to sleep with them.
By the time I went to college
I’d pretty much decided
that I simply wasn’t
interested in
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